The other day I was stressed out, frustrated and well, just done! The morning had been chaos from the time I opened my eyes and I was convinced that was going to be the tone of the day. As I love to start the day with a good argument, the husband and I got into a “heated” conversation and I found myself muttering words that I had to insure my children could not hear. In fact, the words I was using I wouldn’t want my mother to hear but out they came…like rain from the sky. Now, in addition to this, I find my body completely rigid with fury, with my hands clenched at my side, my jaw locked in a scowl and my pace at a stomp. Yes, I hate to admit it but I had regressed to the actions of a toddler.
Now, here’s where it gets even better. I’ve had enough of the verbal tug of war and decide I’m going to go to my bedroom to slam the door, mutter, scream into a pillow…finished my tantrum in peace (yes, I’m Captain Maturity). As I round the corner and start up the stairs…wait for it…I come face to face with the biggest, hairiest spider I have seen in years. And as if said spider shared my mood, it reared up on the back four legs and gave me a show of the fangs. OH HELL NO!!!! So I do what any reasonable person (yeah, right) would do, I yell for my husband to come and see the monstrosity on our step. He, too, is impressed by her size and then proceeds to ask me what I want him to do about it….I’m about to die from arachnophobia and he wants instructions. Well, his instructions, to paraphrase, were to find the biggest shoe/boot he could find and bring it to me. Armed at this point, I slowly approach and with all my might, I twack the step. Pulling back the shoe, the spider is very much alive and unscathed…oh and extremely mad. I twack again…same conclusion, same reaction. Now I’m rapid firing the shoe up and down with pure desperation because that this point, I’m only serving to move the spider closer and closer to me. Mind you, husband is still standing behind me observing, with a smirk, because he is waiting for me to freak out and ask for help. Nope, not this time. I keep wacking and finally the monster was anilalated – and thank goodness because I was about to gaslight the house and walk away.
Now what is the moral of this rambling story, boys and girls…well, I realized that I was given a very quick reminder that I needed to get myself in check, that my “old” habit of getting angry, using inappropriate language and acting irrational and immature when I am not in control and I feel insecure and scared. With the spider, I had to pause for a moment…that spider represented the anger I had manifested right in front of me to demonstrate the hurt I was creating for myself and my family. As a result, I’m working consciously to take a deep breath when I feel scared, insecure or have the realization that I’m not in control and try to find a positive thought or affirmation to self soothe and return my thoughts towards joy. You see, if you allow the negative to consume you, the end result is mental, physical, emotional and spiritual damage to YOU, YOU, YOU (did I say YOU?).
Old habits die hard but they do die with work, perseverance and commitment to change. Making the conscious effort over a course of a few weeks, one can find themselves with the ability to reprogram perspective and worldview. Joy/Flow/Ease or Anger/Frustration/Chaos…which do you choose? For me, it is Joy!
If you are moved to action by my blog, please comment below with the old habit you would like to dispose of.